Zambia Hunt

Colossians 3:20

Years ago, researchers conducted a series of studies to determine how boundaries affected children’s behavior on a playground. They constructed a playground without fences and observed that children stayed close to the center, rarely venturing beyond the playground structures. When the researchers added a fence, the children’s behavior changed dramatically. Instead of fearfully remaining in the center, they freely explored the entire area up to the fence line. The researchers concluded that “with given limitation, children felt safer to explore a playground… the boundary, in this case, the fence, allowed children to feel at ease to explore the space.” The presence of limitations brought freedom, while the absence of fences created fear and apprehension.

As we examine Colossians 3:20, we must first understand its context within Paul’s letter to the Gentile church in Colossae. Throughout this letter, Paul emphasizes the supremacy of Christ over all things. He encourages believers to live in a manner worthy of their union with Christ, focusing on spiritual maturity within the church, rejecting false teaching, and aligning daily life with the reality of their new life in Christ.

In chapter three, Paul moves from doctrinal instruction to practical application. The first seventeen verses emphasize putting off the old self and putting on the new self, marked by virtues such as love, compassion, and forgiveness. Beginning with verse 18 through chapter 4:1, Paul applies these truths to home life, demonstrating how the supremacy of Christ should shape family relationships:

“Wives, submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.” (Colossians 3:18-20)

The gospel shapes family relationships within a household. The roles and responsibilities in the home are directly tied to our relationship with Jesus Christ. Each person within the family structure is instructed to live in ways that honor Christ, with mutual responsibilities rooted in their faith in Jesus Christ.

1. Children Are to Obey

First, children are commanded to obey. The Greek word for “obey” implies listening intently with the intent to comply. Biblical obedience means doing what one should do, when one should do it, with the right heart attitude toward the authority requesting it. This is far different from the proverbial child who, when told by his father to sit in the corner as punishment, whispered to his brother, “I’m sitting down on the outside, but I’m standing up on the inside.”

Parents’ primary goal in a child’s early years (from birth to age five) should be establishing who is in charge. This isn’t about creating a domineering authority but rather establishing healthy boundaries and expectations. Biblical obedience encompasses both external compliance and internal heart attitude.

Children must be discipled to obey – this command wouldn’t be necessary if children were naturally inclined toward obedience. As Psalm 53:3 reminds us, “They have all fallen away; together they have become corrupt; there is none who does good, not even one.” Romans 3:12 echoes this truth: “All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one.” This reality reminds us that there are no morally good children; they are born with a sinful nature that manifests in disobedience.

A significant study conducted at the University of California followed 1,738 middle-class boys and their families from pre-adolescence through young adulthood. The research revealed three key findings about children who developed healthy self-esteem and security:

1. These children were clearly more loved and appreciated at home, with parental love that was deep and genuine, not just empty words.
2. They came from homes where parents had been significantly more strict in their approach to discipline, contrary to the permissiveness that created insecurity and dependence in the low-esteem group.
3. Their homes were characterized by democracy and openness within established boundaries, allowing individual personalities to grow and develop without fear of ridicule.

The Scope of Obedience

Paul specifies that children are to obey their parents “in everything.” This comprehensive command applies to all areas of life, with one crucial exception: when parental instruction would require disobedience to God. As Peter states in Acts 5:29, “We must obey God rather than men.” While God’s authority always takes precedence over human authority, such conflicts are rare in Christian homes.

The home was God’s first established institution in Genesis, followed by civil authority, both designed to preserve order and function within society. When these institutions and authorities are properly followed, everyone benefits and God is glorified. This is not about enforcing sinful domineering authority or the rule of an angry dictator; rather, it is about establishing godly order within the family structure.

2. Obedience Pleases the Lord

The second part of Colossians 3:20 connects children’s obedience to their relationship with the Lord: “for this pleases the Lord.” This connection offers hope and joyful expectation that children can be converted and grow in their relationship with Jesus Christ. God calls children to a relationship with Him and expects them to live in that relationship.

Training Children to Please the Lord

Parents must train their children to please the Lord. Proverbs 16:7 states, “When a man’s ways please the Lord, he makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.” Obedience to parents is spiritual worship, connecting a child’s behavior to their spiritual well-being. Children must understand that God sees and hears everything they do and say. Parents are responsible for instilling this reality in their children’s conscience.

Proverbs 22:6 provides this crucial guidance: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and even when he is old, he will not depart from it.” By training children to respond in obedience to parental authority, we prepare them to submit to God’s authority as they mature.

The Generational Impact of Obedience and Disobedience

Disobedience has generational implications, as noted in Exodus 34:6-7: “The Lord… keeps steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children’s children to the third and fourth generation.”

However, Ezekiel 18:20 provides hope: “The son shall not suffer for the iniquity of the father.” While consequences of sin may persist generationally, moral guilt is not inherited. As Deuteronomy 7:9 affirms, “Know therefore that the Lord your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments to a thousand generations.”

Addressing the Myth of Generational Curses

It is crucial to address a common misconception about generational consequences of sin: the idea of “generational curses.” Some believe they are inevitably bound by the sins of their ancestors, destined to repeat the same patterns of failure and disobedience. This belief leads to a fatalistic attitude: “I can’t help being this way—it’s because of my grandfather” or “I’m suffering because of a generational curse that needs to be broken.”

This teaching is not biblical. While the consequences of sin may ripple through generations, there is no such thing as an unbreakable generational curse that condemns children to repeat their parents’ sins. God’s justice is not arbitrary but is tied to individual choice and responsibility. This truth is clearly illustrated in the contrasting lives of David’s sons. Absalom chose rebellion and suffered its consequences. Solomon, though born of the very relationship that began with David’s sin with Bathsheba, chose to humble himself before God and walked a different path. Same father, different choices, different outcomes.

The Christian doctrine of individual responsibility is clear in Scripture. Ezekiel 18:20 states definitively that moral guilt is not inherited: “The son shall not suffer for the iniquity of the father.” Additionally, Deuteronomy 7:9 emphasizes God’s faithfulness across generations: “Know therefore that the Lord your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments to a thousand generations.”

Children are not doomed to repeat their parents’ sins. They may choose to do so, but it is a choice, not an inescapable destiny. Through Jesus’s sacrifice, as stated in Galatians 3:13, “Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us.” The power of the gospel breaks any cycle of sin through repentance and faith in Christ.

The real issue is not a generational curse but the universal curse of sin. Every parent passes on a sinful nature to their children, who are therefore born under God’s righteous judgment. This is why our primary responsibility as Christian parents is to train our children to know and fear God, beginning with teaching them to obey parental authority as preparation for submission to divine authority. If we fail to enforce discipline and obedience when they are young, they may grow up without the fear of the Lord, making it less likely they will submit to their heavenly Father.

2 Chronicles 7:14 provides the biblical solution to generational patterns of sin: “If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.” The answer is not breaking a supposed generational curse but embracing the gospel’s power to transform lives through repentance and faith in Christ.

The Role of Discipline in Discipleship

The discipline parents enforce serves as a discipleship tool, teaching children that there are consequences for sin and showing them their need for Christ’s redemptive power. This should be carried out with calm, loving instruction that points children to the gospel. Consider this approach:

1. Clearly identify the disobedience
2. Help the child understand why it was wrong
3. Explain the necessity of consequences
4. Administer discipline calmly and lovingly
5. Restore the relationship through forgiveness and prayer
6. Point them to God’s mercy and grace

Practical Applications

For Children:

1. Recognize that obedience to parents is ultimately obedience to God
2. Cultivate a good-hearted attitude, not just outward compliance
3. Understand that obedience is preparation for spiritual maturity
4. Confess and repent of rebellious attitudes

For Parents:

1. Have regular conversations with children about why obedience to God matters
2. Conduct family devotions discussing biblical examples of obedience
3. Praise heart-level obedience, not just external compliance
4. Regularly pray with and for children’s spiritual growth
5. Be your child’s biggest cheerleader, offering words of affirmation when you see genuine obedience
6. Remember that discipline is about discipleship, not punishment

Conclusion

Just as the playground fence created freedom for exploration, godly boundaries in the home create space for spiritual growth and development. The daily work of teaching obedience isn’t merely about maintaining household order—it’s about preparing hearts for the gospel. Children’s obedience isn’t just about pleasing parents but about bringing joy to their heavenly Father.

As we walk this path of obedience together, we discover what God has always known: that proper boundaries and authority create the environment where spiritual growth thrives. May we be faithful in this crucial task of discipling the next generation, always pointing them to the grace and mercy found in Jesus Christ.