Zambia Hunt

When it comes to one of the most important decisions of your life – choosing a spouse – the book of Proverbs has much wisdom to offer. Solomon is not just offering general advice in this “Book of Wisdom” but intentionally seeking to train young people to become wise, godly leaders. 

A Vow Not to Be Taken Lightly

Proverbs makes it clear that entering into marriage is a solemn, binding covenant before God – not something to be treated casually. When you make your vows, you are obligating yourself to an enduring commitment (20:25). Divorce is never God’s plan as marriage is a divine and permanent institution (19:14). Your choice of a mate will either be your “making or breaking, either a delight or disaster” (18:22, 21:19).

The Importance of Godly Character

That’s why Proverbs encourages evaluating a potential spouse primarily through the lens of their godly character rather than being blinded by outward charm or beauty. A person’s true character reveals their inner spiritual maturity, seen through actions in obedience to God’s will and selflessly loving others. Don’t confuse personality traits like being outgoing or reserved for character.

What to Look For

So, what specific godly qualities should you seek in a potential spouse? For a wife, Proverbs commends a woman who fears God, has wisdom and grace, and honors and remains faithful to her husband (11:16, 14:1, 31:10-12, 30). 

For a husband, the list of desired character traits listed in Proverbs is extensive:

• Wise, kind, and compassionate (12:10)
• Honest, truthful, and a man of integrity (12:17, 19, 29:24, 19:1, 20:7)  
• Hard-working and generous (12:11, 27:23-27, 14:21, 28:27)
• Self-controlled and humble (12:15, 16:32, 15:25, 33, 16:18-19, 18:12, 29:11)
• Gentle in speech and a peacemaker (12:18, 15:1-2, 4, 17:1, 18:1, 19)
• Willing to receive correction and counsel, even from his wife (12:15, 15:12, 31-32, 28:13, 29:1)
• Faithful, reliable, and forgiving (17:17, 29:2, 19:11)
• Avoids excesses like drunkenness (20:1, 23:20-21, 29-35, 31:3-9)
• Concerned for the poor and oppressed (29:7)
• Can keep a confidence (17:9, 26:20)
• Fears God and obeys His Word (13:13, 14:26, 16:20, 28:25, 31:30)
• Not jealous and has a positive outlook (27:4, 15:15, 17:22, 18:14)

Strikingly, these same character qualities align with the biblical qualifications for church leaders listed in 1 Timothy 3:1-13. This underscores that the purpose of Proverbs is to raise godly men as leaders, which is consistent with the NT theme of leadership in the church.

The Permanence of Your Choice

Proverbs soberly reminds us that there are no quick solutions for those who unwisely choose a spouse lacking godly character. We must be prepared to live with the consequences of our choice. That’s why it’s crucial to seek godliness and wisdom in a potential spouse up front.

For those already married, the instruction is not to dwell on your spouse’s flaws but to pursue becoming the godly wife or husband laid out in Proverbs. Spur one another on to greater spiritual maturity. Model lives of growing love for God through obedience and love for others through selflessness. This is how you can experience the fullness of joy that God intended for the sacred covenant of marriage.

Final Encouragement

Choosing a godly spouse is one of the most important decisions you will ever make. Let the wisdom of Proverbs be your guide. Don’t be misled by outward traits, but look deeply at the character and spiritual maturity of the person you are considering spending your life with. Seek someone committed to continual growth in obedience to God and selfless love for others. A strong foundation of shared faith in God and godly character provides the best chance for a marriage that brings delight and honors God for a lifetime.

Edited by Claude.ai